February 22nd, 2013- I definitely wore myself out today both physically and emotionally. I tried to get outside a little bit to really make the most of the few days I have before going back into the hospital. My mom took me out to lunch to a nearby place and we tried to keep me as separate as possible since I have to take my mask off to eat. I also went to look at wigs to see what size might fit but it appears that I may need a pretty small size that they didn’t have at the time. I was really worn out by the time we got home and I think being so tired made me extra emotional. I have been so happy about being in remission and being home that the pending return to the hospital really hit me today. I am stressed about continued inpatient treatment and then the long stay for transplant not to mention still feeling like I haven’t yet won. David wouldn’t let me stay down for long though and quickly used some tactical Bryce time to remind me that I have so much love around me and more than enough reasons to fight this disease. I know that even after transplant it will be hard to get the fear from the back of my mind but continuing to focus on the positives of each day and a bit of time I believe I will get through it all, not to mention a big dose of faith.
Bryce was a joy today and as always managed to be the perfect dose of laughter to keep me going. He was a bit of a handful towards the evening because he didn’t take a third nap today but he quickly improved after his feeding time. We fed him solids just before we ate dinner and he sat with us during our dinner in his high chair. At the end he started chewing on one of his toys and making loud grunting sounds, uh oh, and we knew we were in for a large present. We let him finish but when we went to change him he had exploded out of the front and back of his diaper! A quick attempt at getting him clean found him kicking and swinging his arms into places they shouldn’t be so we opted for a nice rinse and relaxing bath time. Oh the things I find funny now that I have a son. I couldn’t stop laughing as David attempted to get Bryce as clean as possible while I helped keep his hands out of his mouth, Bryce’s not David’s hands. After his bath we fed him his last bottle and he fell asleep as he finished the last drop. I cannot believe how easy going he can be and how lucky I am to have such an amazing little man.